How Does Existentialism Make You Feel?

“The more conscious I was of goodness and of all that was 'sublime and beautiful,'the more deeply I sank into my mire and the more ready I was to sink in it altogether.” 
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes From Underground.  

Time is just an illusion, we are taught to think that the passing of time is reality. What if we just stopped and stood in the moment, without any of the worries of the time passing to fast or too slow? Us humans just as any living creature are quite remarkable, we carry all these traits and features. But we are taught certain things from the earliest of stages to make us think what everyone else wants us to think. Imagine if a child was born into this world without being taught anything, not being told what to do or this is the way you would have to do things. Here we would have someone that  hasn't been touched with the pain and grief of our so called system, but yet struck in a state of confusion.

“Leave us alone without books and we shall be lost and in confusion at once. We shall not know what to join on to, what to cling to, what to love and what to hate, what to respect and what to despise. We are oppressed at being men -- men with a real individual body and blood, we are ashamed of it, we think it a disgrace and try to contrive to be some sort of impossible generalised man. We are stillborn, and for generations past have been begotten, not by living fathers, and that suits us better and better. We are developing a taste for it. Soon we shall contrive to be born somehow from an idea. But enough; I don't want to write more from "Underground.”

 - Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes From Underground

Think about it, question our existence. Are we living, breathing organisms or just a form of nothingness? But is nothing actually nothing, how can you come to the state of just being? Our bodies are made up of atoms, and atoms are forms of energy. Technically we are just flowing energy. You, Me and them. If I had to answer the question "How does existentialism make me feel?" Its probably impossible, id go into a psychedelic state of mind. Look at your fingers, your arms your body, touch your face all the gentle divine features. Is this all real? Are you sitting in front of a screen and reading the inner thoughts of my mind? 

“Nature doesn't ask your permission; it doesn't care about your wishes, or whether you like its laws or not. You're obliged to accept it as it is, and consequently all its results as well.” 

 - Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes From Underground

Absurdity, its divine. A state of going crazy and not caring of anything but being in the exact moment you are at now.  As the dictionary states the definition of absurdity - "The quality or state of being ridiculous or wildly unreasonable". This is a clear example of what I am trying to point out. Why is it that being absurd has to be unreasonable, what is unreasonable then? Going back to the title... Existentialism makes me feel crazy, it literally makes me go insane. But I love it, because it opens up different realms of my mind that I had no idea existed. There is no limit to it, the existentialist philosophy is infinite.